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Wednesday, December 9, 2020


 A review of [REDACTED] has been postponed until such time that I have been fully indoctrinated into the Everlasting Church of [COMPANY REDACTED] and can give it a 100-percent objective review that awards it nothing short of its heaven-mandated glowing 100/100 score, untouched by such vile, hateful and bigotry-laced biases as 'independent thought' or 'legitimate criticisms of its general design, severe performance issues and game killing bugs, an overall puerile tone or deliberate and entirely unnecessary health risks to, as this game's fans might just call them, "genetically inferior heathens who will never be worthy of its majesty anyway"'.  The apostles of the almighty [COMPANY REDACTED] have also made clear that any attempt to criticize [REDACTED]'s handling of any 'adult' topic it attempts to present (which I am reliably informed is all of them, because this is scripture for only the most mature and enlightened minds whose IQ's and moralities are on level with transcendent artisans like James Woods and Tila Tequila and Chris Taylor Brown) will result in me being labeled a 'bigot', doxxed and thrown to the wolves on every hate forum and social media platform they can flood with bots, effectively turning me into a pariah for the rest of time.  After all, even the slightest critique of a AAA game that's been hyped up more than the coming of Yeshua is a direct, vicious attack on everyone who has deemed it the best thing since speedballing before they've even played a single second of it, and as gamers are undeniably the most oppressed minority in the history of the world, is 1:1 equivalent to inciting militant fascists into launching an ethnic cleansing campaign on par with those of Saddam Hussein.  And pulling the trigger on each and every one of your victims yourself.

Furthermore, I'm informed that my perception of doublethink among [REDACTED]'s followers - that the cornerstones of the cyberpunk genre are warning of the dark future that awaits us if monolithic mega-corporations and their figureheads are allowed to amass unlimited money, power and cult-level influence over the public and to celebrate those who embrace individuality and take a stand against such power-mongering; yet monolithic mega-corporation [COMPANY REDACTED]'s marks apostles act in lockstep to funnel every dime they can into their god's coffers in exchange for nothing of consequence; instantly and thoughtlessly dismiss any and all evidence of their God-king's wrongdoings, including but not limited to flagrant exploitation of their employees, creators and consumers, mysterious waves of positive PR conveniently offsetting whatever negative publicity doesn't magically disappear with some money and a phone call, and a massive data breach (possibly staged for publicity) as "rank falsehoods by jealous bigots"; and spend countless hours of unpaid time waging war in their God-king's name via every avenue they can, up to and including attempted murder - is a simple delusion born of my previously undiagnosed birth defects, schizophrenia, autism, countless drug addictions and, to quote them, "being a miserable degenerate tranny pedo faggot byproduct of incest who should have been raped and murdered in high school just like all the pindicked fags I rape and kill everyday in game to prove I'm a real manly man lolololol'.  Please stand by until such flaws are permanently ironed from my psyche through vigorous, sustained hatred campaigns and I cast aside such false saviors as "every other holy text or work of art created in any medium, ever" to accept the holy [REDACTED] as the indelible word of God and [COMPANY REDACTED] as the one true savior who will lead the truly pious to the promised land, where they shall reside with the almighty Ted Theodore Logan for all eternity.  But until that time comes: Be Excellent To Each Other, But Only If You All Thoughtlessly Fall In Line With What You've Been Told To Think By Your Infallible Corporate Messiah. CYBERPUNK!  But if you're not in the mood for facetious mockery: CDPR is a disgrace.  Between Witcher 3's massive success and having GOG for devoted retro fans, they took all the good will in the world and completely pissed it away on this fucking disaster of a game. It's going to take a long damn time and a lot of good will before they earn back my respect or get another dollar of my money. And that's all I have to say about that.