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Wednesday, December 9, 2020

[REDACTED]

 A review of [REDACTED] has been postponed until such time that I have been fully indoctrinated into the Everlasting Church of [COMPANY REDACTED] and can give it a 100-percent objective review that awards it nothing short of its heaven-mandated glowing 100/100 score, untouched by such biases as 'independent thought' or 'legitimate criticisms of its general design, numerous performance issues and game killing bugs, an overall puerile tone or deliberate and entirely unnecessary health risks to, as this game's fans might just call them, "genetically inferior heathens who will never be worthy of its majesty anyway"'.  The apostles of the almighty [COMPANY REDACTED] have also made clear that any attempt to criticize [REDACTED]'s handling of any 'adult' topic it attempts to present (which I am reliably informed is all of them, because this is scripture for only the most mature and enlightened minds whose IQ's and moral compasses are on level with transcendent artists like Ted Kaczynski and James Woods and Chris Taylor Brown) will result in me being labeled a 'bigot', doxxed and thrown to the wolves on every hate forum and social media platform they can reach, effectively turning me into a pariah for the rest of time.  After all, even the slightest critique of a heavily-hyped AAA game or any element of it thereof is a direct, vicious attack on everyone who has deemed it the best thing since speedballing before they've even played a single second of it, and as gamers are undeniably the most oppressed minority in the history of the world, is 1:1 equivalent to inciting racist fascists into dragging someone of color to death behind a swastika-decorated pickup truck.  Or doing it yourself. 

Furthermore, I'm informed that my perception of doublethink among [REDACTED]'s followers - that the cornerstones of the cyberpunk genre are warning of the dark future that awaits us if monolithic mega-corporations are allowed to amass unlimited money, power and cult-level influence over the public and to celebrate those who embrace individuality and take a stand against such power-mongering; yet monolithic mega-corporation [COMPANY REDACTED]'s marks apostles act in lockstep to funnel every dime they can into their god's coffers in exchange for nothing of consequence, are trained to thoughtlessly dismiss any and all claims of flagrant exploitation of their employees, creators and consumers as "rank falsehoods by the jealous" and spend countless hours of unpaid time waging war in their name via every avenue they can, up to and including attempted murder - is a simple delusion born of my previously undiagnosed birth defects, autism and, to quote them, "being a miserable degenerate tranny pedo faggot product of incest who should have been murdered in high school just like all the pindicked fags I kill everyday in game lolololol'.  Please stand by until such flaws are permanently ironed from my psyche and I cast aside such false saviors as "every other holy text or work of art created in any medium, ever" to accept the holy [REDACTED] as the indelible word of God and [COMPANY REDACTED] as the one true savior who will lead the pious to the promised land where they shall reside with the almighty Ted Theodore Logan for all eternity.  But until that time comes: Be Excellent To Each Other, But Only If They Agree 100 Percent With What You've Been Told To Think By Your Infallible Corporate Messiah. CYBERPUNK!