As the name implies, this page serves as a dumping ground - a list of games I've tried and found underwhelming, but have so little of note about them that they don't even warrant an in-depth thrashing. So, rather than cluttering up the Quickie pages with the same basic synopsis again and again, here's a list of uninteresting, grating and/or subpar RPGs that are noteworthy only for their sheer mediocrity. And maybe the arrogance of their undertalented devs.
A crappy MMO that eats your soul. Really, that's the premise. Its pretty bad when your pitch is immediately made far less scary by the actual reality of MMO addicts, and just a touch insensitive when you use that as the premise for your dumb little media franchise. But then they have the gall to sell all four discs of the game separately at full price. No joke; there's no time break between the stories or even any real updates to the mechanics. Hell, all the cutscenes for 1-3 are on the disc of 4, voiceover and all, so it's not even a matter of space. Scummy as hell, but I guess they had to make do with something before the age of microtransactions.
But the worst part is they did this same stupid concept again with Sword Art Online years later...
3D Dot Game Heroes
Remember when the PS3 came out and we were all looking forward to our favorite amazing RPG franchises in HD and then we got mediocre dreck like this for a decade? Yeah....
The 3rd Birthday
A giant middle finger to a PS1 classic. Horribly boring cover shooter gameplay, some of the worst monster designs I've ever seen, a terrible, nonsensical story written by the hack that brought us Final Fantasy X and the wretched Fabula Nova Crystallis series, blatant smut to try and keep you playing (all the creepier when the twist comes around), and they kill off Aya in the most half-assed, insulting way imaginable, ensuring that there will never be another game in this series again. Bang-up job, Square Enix.
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance
Generic gameplay, constantly out-of-focus camera, a bad framerate, and Deep Purple's Ian Gillan singing the most hilariously terrible boss theme of all time (penned by the god of Square fanboys, Hironobu Sakaguchi, because of course it was). It's the student film of RPGs.
Breath of Death VII / Cthulhu Saves the World
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
Cosmic Star Heroine
Dragon Age 2
Pick card, watch unskippable 30-second animation. Then they have the nerve to make the games require heavy grinding, too...
Ehrgeiz (Quest mode)
So much crap... So little care...
King's Field II
Legend of Legaia
Legend of Dragoon
Lufia and the Fortress of Doom
Mimana Iyar Chronicle
Record of Agarest War
River City Ransom Underground
Seiken Densetsu (Final Fantasy Adventure)
"Hey a new tactical RPG from Square. It's been a while, I hope it's good."